About Me

My photo
I have found the world's best mac & cheese!

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Is or Has?

"She's Bipolar."

Umm... No she's not. Add the word "disorder" next time you want to label someone as a mental illness. That would make you say, "She's Bipolar Disorder." Now does that sound fair? To label someone as the root of millions of people's problems? 

Now try saying it with "has" instead of "is." "She has Bipolar Disorder." Much better.

You wouldn't say it with any other mental illness, so why do it with Bipolar Disorder? I've never heard anyone labelled as depression. It's always that they have depression. Why, then, am I labelled as the illness itself and you are not?

Think. Learn. Don't get hit in the face.

Monday, February 13, 2017

Break Time

Maybe it's time for a time-out.

For the last few weeks, I've found it pretty hard to care about this blog. I feel like my writing is suffering because of my lack of caring. I don't share as much as I have been, either. My views are suffering as well. 

I was talking to my mom about this, and she said something that really stuck in my head. She said that maybe the blog has served its purpose. I thought about that and found that it really has. Originally, I intended to educate people on the realities of mental illness, but an unintentional lesson I learned was that I got to know myself inside and out. 

So unless I find a subject that I really feel needs sharing, I'm going to be taking a little break. Thank you all for your support over the years! 

As the Terminator said... I'll be back.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Enough Already!

Right.

So since the doctor in the emergency department told me to get off one of my meds (it was making me crazy!), this infernal depression is back. I've got one of those "happy light" things, but it doesn't seem to work for me. I've been pretty low for a few weeks now and I'm beyond tired of it. Now add on top of that the fact that I'm sick.

It started yesterday and just got worse today. This is the second time in six months that I've gotten sick. I don't get sick! What? Are these viruses on steroids or something?! The only times I get sick are when my allergies act up in the spring and fall. Before this last bout I had during last semester, I can't even remember the last time I was actually sick.

Depression already has physical effects. I don't need my head to be some kind of stuffed, useless ball along with it. 

I haven't been dealing with this very well. It's making me cranky and making my depression worse. I'm trying to not bite heads off, but I know I have a few times. 

In other news: I went for an intake appointment at the biggest facility in the valley today. I got all my paperwork done then I was supposed to see a therapist. My dad and I sat waiting for this therapist for very near an hour before finally leaving. Needless to say, I called another, smaller clinic when we got home.

They made me wait there an hour and a half total, while I feel like death, for no reason whatsoever. As my mom said... bad business. They knew I was coming and they weren't prepared. I won't be going back.

Friday, February 3, 2017

Snapped

Seriously?!

So I'm not in the best  of moods today as it is. I managed to force myself out of the house to have lunch with my parents, but on my way home, everything and everyone was getting on my last nerve. The real fun began in my neighbourhood...

I was coming along the main road to my house, when a sorry excuse for a man that I know comes and makes a left turn right in front of me after looking right at me! I've never liked this guy. He's rude, self-centred, and not the type to help you out unless you're popular in the area. He snapped my very last nerve, so I flipped him off. He then proceeds to follow me home and shout, "Was that really necessary?" Are you freaking kidding me?! Don't you dare bring your holier than thou attitude to me! So I shouted back that he saw me coming. He tried to deny it, so I told him that he actually stopped, looked right at me, and kept going. I slammed the door after that.

I don't hate many people, but the way this sorry excuse for a man has treated my family is unforgivable. And this isn't the first time he's pulled a left in front of me! This has happened at least five times before. So do I feel bad for flipping him off? Not for a second. 

On the bright side, my dad and I moved some very heavy furniture around right after I got home, so that got rid of all my angry energy!

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Clearing My Mind

Really?!

So yesterday, I was cleaning my room as a way to get myself out of this stupid depression. I went to take some things into the basement and fell down the freaking stairs! You can imagine how genius I felt, but what really surprised me was the fact that it didn't make me angry. The only thing to come out of my mouth was a slightly-louder-than-usual "ouch." Sure it stayed on my mind, but not like it would have if I was still depressed and annoyed. So yay! Cleaning worked!

Today I'm all sore, but I'll live. I've got a massive bruise on my back and a pretty big one on my arm, but I'm still not upset about falling. 

Cleaning, for me, has always been a way to sort things out. "Tidy on the outside makes tidy on the inside" sort of thing. I still have exactly zero idea why I was depressed, but I'm definitely glad I'm out of it now! 

Next time I fall into depression, I think I'm going to organise my shirts by colour...

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

In A Pit

I'm so done with this.

I go to a friend's house twice a week to catch up and read for a bit. Yesterday we were talking about how we are when we're depressed. Mostly we talked about how every tiny thing gets on our nerves. Things that shouldn't even be things get turned into raging irritation. This is where I was yesterday.

It started after I had lunch. I noticed that the music I was listening to wasn't making me happy anymore. That was weird enough because We The Kings is one of my favourite bands. Then my dad came upstairs and I noticed that just his existence was irritating. That's when I knew for sure that I was falling into a depression.

Last night, however was the worst. See, my mom and I take our medications at the same time so neither of us forgets. I have punch that I take mine with. I opened the fridge to find my punch had been pushed to the back. No big deal, right? Wrong. I almost blew a fuse over it. That's when I gave in and started crying. 

When I'm not feeling well, my mom (and usually Dad, too) will stay up with me instead of going to bed. Last night, I put in the sixth Harry Potter and we watched that until I got tired. After all, depression in my house means Harry Potter night!

Today, I stayed in bed until ten thirty because, well, I have nothing to do. Having nothing to do generally adds to my depression. Maybe I'll reorganise my books again...